


Speak

by SoDoRoses (FairyChess)



Series: LAOFT Extras [21]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: (there's no sex but the same concept basically), Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Blanket Permission, Consent Issues, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Flashbacks, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Past Abuse, magical compulsion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-23
Updated: 2019-06-23
Packaged: 2020-05-18 08:23:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19330762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FairyChess/pseuds/SoDoRoses
Summary: Roman asks for so little.How can Patton tell him no?(How can Pattonpossiblytell him yes?)Part of theLove and Other FairytalesVerse





	Speak

**Author's Note:**

> a prompt from a nonniw on tumblr:
> 
> "Does pat ever use his voice for anything after he learns to control it? Or is it something he mostly ignores still?"
> 
> So warning for the inherent dubious consent of Patton using his powers on purpose.

_Absolutely fucking not._

Patton didn’t actually say that, because contrary to popular belief he did have some self-control. But it was a near thing, and he couldn’t help the way his whole body tensed immediately.

“Never mind,” said Roman instantly, “It was a stupid idea, I don’t even know why I asked, I know you don’t like it and that was a dick move-”

“I-” Patton didn’t actually know what he was going to say but Roman clamped his mouth shut the second Patton moved to speak.

“I just-” Patton croaked, “Why- why would you even  _want_ -?”

Roman swallowed.

“You know how- how I get,” said Roman quietly, “Stuck, a little. In memories and just, y’know. In my own head, sometimes,”

Patton did know. He’d seen it dozens of times and dozens of ways. Roman going through the motions of his day with a faraway look in his eyes and later remembering nothing; Roman smiling at Patton or Logan or Virgil but not  _seeing_  them. Even Roman curled up and gasping in the dark of his own closet with Dizzy spitting and clawing at anybody who came close, even Ms. Gage.

Yeah. Patton knew.

“I just thought… it might. Help,” whispered Roman, “Like- like you did with Greta,”

Help was a strong word, in Patton’s opinion. He’d felt more like he was  _leashing_  her. And then sending her away finally, in the end, had felt like cutting the string of a child’s balloon while they held it. He still sometimes winced when he remembered Virgil’s expression.

“But it was unfair to ask,” said Roman, “Even if you’re better at it now, I know it makes you really uncomfortable and I shouldn’t have even- I don’t know what I was thinking,”

But Patton  _did_  know what Roman was thinking – or at least he had a pretty good idea. Roman  _hated_  having fits, regardless of what kind happened, hated feeling like he wasn’t in control of himself or his thoughts or his emotions. It terrified him.

Where Patton was stalling was that Roman’s idea of a solution was apparently to give that control to  _Patton_.

“You would- trust me that much?” said Patton, his voice impossibly small.

It was Roman’s turn to look baffled.

“Of course,” he said, “Of course I trust you, Patton,”

“You don’t even  _drink_  anymore,” said Patton, “But you’re okay with me  _telling_  you things when you’re  _already upset?_ ”

Roman gave a smile that was a little lopsided, a little shaky, and a lot fond.

“I know you won’t hurt me,” he said, “And I know if it  _didn’t_  work right and I asked you not to do it again, you wouldn’t. I’ve been telling you for years Patton – I’m not afraid of you,”

It was one thing to not be afraid, but this was – Patton didn’t even _know_  what this was. Whatever was as far on the other end of the spectrum from  _afraid_  that you could get. This was Roman jumping off a cliff with no parachute and having absolute faith that Patton would catch him at the bottom.

And Roman’s expression didn’t seem to have an ounce of hesitation in it – it shone with sincerity. He looked for all the world like he’d asked Patton to hold his bag for a second, not- not his heart, his decisions, his  _actual literal free will_.

“I guess I just-” Patton shook his head, eyebrows pinching together in desperate confusion, “I’d think you wouldn’t want anybody taking your choices away, anymore,”

“You wouldn’t be taking it,” said Roman, “I’m making it right now. You  _are_  the choice,”

Patton let out a long, quivering breath.

“Okay, sweetheart,” he said softly, “I’ll- I’ll try, next time,”

The thing is, ‘next time’ doesn’t always feel like a real thing, to Patton.

At least until ‘next time’ becomes ‘ _this time.’_

* * *

It happened so quickly. One second they were all laughing, warm and happy, having retreated to Virgil’s room and scattered across the floor and on the bed. Virgil had pulled Logan to his feet with a coy smile and drawn him forward into what looked like the beginning of a dance.

The next.

And then the next, Roman had been on the other side of the room, shoulders shaking with sobs but his hands clamped so tightly over his mouth he was perfectly silent. His eyes wide and unseeing, and the room cold with fear and worry and aching guilt.

Virgil and Logan had separated instantly, Logan going to far as to climb to the opposite side of the bed. Both of them were speaking in low tones to Roman, trying to calm him, but Roman either didn’t hear them or it wasn’t making a difference.

Patton was frozen with indecision. He hadn’t thought about that conversation with Roman in weeks, not more than brief flashes of panic that he quickly distracted himself from with other things. And so he hadn’t thought  _at all_  about what he might  _actually say_ , what he might… what he might tell Roman, that would help, that would bring him back and not just make everything ten times worse.

“Roman,” he said, not even on purpose, and so quiet Roman almost certainly didn’t hear him over the carefully-controlled panic in both Logan and Virgil’s voices.

What did Roman need? What was  _wrong_ , here, what would make Roman remember he wasn’t-?

That he wasn’t there, then. That he  _was,_  here and now.

“Roman,” he said, deliberate and louder this time, loud enough that Logan and Virgil fell silent on either side of him and turned to look.

“Roman, sweetheart,” said Patton, focusing on every lesson and every ounce of control he’d gained in the past year to make his voice and the magic in it as gentle and soothing as possible.

“Remember that we  _love you_ ,” he said softly.

And Roman – Roman’s eyes glittered, for a moment, and focused just a tad sharper. His gaze was no longer unseeing, but just as unsteady, even as he looked at Patton and made a choked off noise behind his hands that might have been a ‘please’ or Patton’s name or something between the two.

“Can you breathe in for four seconds?” Patton started, and then followed through the steps until Roman’s hands moved from his mouth to his chest, clenching and unclenching fistfuls of his shirt.

After what might have been anywhere from a minute to hours for all Patton registered the passage of time or anything other than the incremental relaxing of Roman’s face, Roman spoke.

“Can- can you tell me again?” Roman croaked.

“We love you,” said Patton instantaneously, but Roman shook his head almost as soon as Patton spoke.

“I meant-”

He didn’t seem capable of finishing his sentence.

Patton took a steadying breath himself.

“Remember that we love you,” he repeated.

Roman didn’t lose all the tension, or even most of it, but he did lunge forward across the several feet between them and fling himself into Patton’s arms, and  _Patton_  relaxed. Logan and Virgil hesitated but Roman reached for them, making incomprehensible but obviously pleading noises until they all piled onto the bed around him.

“Thank you,” he mumbled into Patton’s neck.

Patton couldn’t quite manage ‘you’re welcome,’ but he did manage ‘I love you,’ again and again, and then a soothing hum that blended into the gentle rumble coming from Logan’s chest and a thrum so low from Virgil Patton felt it in his ribs more than he actually heard it.

Patton wrapped his arms tighter around Roman’s shoulders, holding him as close as he dared. A wordless promise.

_I’m here. I’m here._

_I’ll catch you._

**Author's Note:**

> I'm [ tulipscomeinallsortsofcolors ](tulipscomeinallsortsofcolors.tumblr.com) over on tumblr and i Love Me Some Prompts if you got one


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